9 Do’s and Don’ts for a Successful Relationship.
Ok, Boo, you’ve found the perfect partner, you’re feeling the feels and you want this to be a successful relationship – to last the distance. But – you have this niggling voice in your head that keeps reminding you of your past relationships and how they have always ended with you crying into a bucket of your fav dairy-free ice cream!
I know boo – I hear you! I think we have all been there. But this one doesn’t have to be the same. There are a few things you can do to have a successful relationship or even save your current one.
Successful Relationship steps:
(1) Do Get Real
What I mean by that is get authentic with your bad self! The first step to a great relationship is forming a great relationship with yourself. Who are you? What do you really want from a great relationship? I am a huge list maker. I find that lists help in all sorts of situations. The list I’m about to ask you to make may change your life. I’d like you to grab your notebook and on one side of your page list the number 1 through 10. Beside each number I need you to list the top ten attributes you want in the most perfect person for you. We’ll come back to this later, once you’ve done that set it aside and continue reading.
(2) Don’t Stop Communicating
Open lines of communication are paramount to having a successful relationship. Speaking about your day is great, but intimate communication is a little different. Let your partner know what you’re thinking and feeling on a deeper level. Maybe your loved one is not isn’t a big talker, and that’s ok. A deep conversation doesn’t have to go for hours. Just a few words of appreciation, a text to say you are thinking about them or giving them a huge hug and while you’re hugging them exhaling all of your breath out slowly.
Then just let the words flow out of your mind onto your lips and tell your gorgeous one how you feel in that moment. It can be an awesome gateway to a meaningful conversation. The worst thing you can ever say to start a conversation with him or her is “We need to talk” or “Listen, I need to talk to you”. The negative connotation is so powerful that you can easily scare your partner into defensive mode. Even if the conversation was going to be positive. If what you have to say is important and you really need them to listen, try using positive words.
For example, when I need my man to really hear me, I wait until we have some time alone and we are sitting close together. I’ll lean in for a kiss or a hug and I might say something like “I’ve got something important to go over with you babe, so can I get your full attention, do you have 5 minutes now?” He may ask if it’s bad or good news, or just say sure babe what’s up? This is a great way to ensure their attention and focus while easing into any conversation.
The point is always communicating – and in a positive way. Even when you feel there’s no way to get your point across without negativity, take a breath and say whatever it is with love, not anger and you’ll see that communicating is the key to a successful relationship.
Find out what each other Love language is. It’s so important to know how your partner receives love and how you like to receive love. There’s an incredible book written by Gary Chapman called the 5 Love Languages its an amazing boom with the love language test inside. You can find out yours and their language and really get to know each other.
(3) Do Touch One Another
One thing all creatures need is touch. Touch is the greatest gift we can give each other. Spend time noticing how much you guys actually touch, do you reach out to him when passing by him, do you give her random hugs, do you stop and notice their beautiful skin and caress their face? Try cuddling in bed before you fall asleep, it may just lead to something amazing! Rest your leg across theirs when watching your fav show or hold hands to go to sleep… Just, this little change can do so much.
(4) Do KISS!
So many couples stop kissing and I mean really kissing. Not just the obligatory peck on the lips. I’m talking about open lips, lightly touching tongues, soft movie pash! It can happen anytime anywhere when your mood takes you there GO FOR IT! AND go for it often, it doesn’t have to lead you to sex immediately as most couples think that’s where this kind of kiss only means, but it is great foreplay should you feel the feels later that night or even the next day.
A couple that deliberately kisses each other regularly and I mean on the daily, stays together. It’s the spark that ignites the flames and holds us and takes us back to the places we sometimes forget in all the Hussle and bustle of the everyday grind.
(5) Don’t ever use weapons
This might seem like a no brainer, although I’m not talking about physical weapons. I am talking about intangible weapons like withholding intimacy. Threats of the use of these kinds of weapons create trust issues. Especially if you use their past or secrets against them. It’s such a trust destroyer and if you can hold on to your integrity and never use someone’s past or actions against them you will find your relationship will just get stronger through ever hard discussion. To create trust and make this one a successful relationship, focus on the now, not your pride and hurting each other.
The goal is to resolve something right? So focus on getting to that resolve instead of slipping back into hateful comments about their character or their past mistakes or even confidential personal things they have trusted you with. Approach each hard talk with love and understanding and be in the moment.
(6) Do take care of yourself
There is nothing more unattractive than someone who just doesn’t care about themselves, in their appearance, their health or mental health. It’s a primal quality that attracts us. We look for the most capable person to be with, it’s a subconscious thing. Unless you have a need to take care of people or have that fixer-upper thing going on, you will want to find a person to match you. Someone who cares about themselves enough so that they know how to care about you! So be mindful of how you present yourself, love yourself physically and mentally.
(7) Don’t stop dating (each other)
Remember when you first met and the time and effort you made to see each other and spend time together. Don’t lose that. I know I know life can easily get in the way, but only if you let it! Love is a choice. It’s not something you fall into like a hole in the ground. You made the choice to let your walls down and love this person, make time for this person and have fun with this person.
I’m a firm believer that it doesn’t matter how long you have been together married or not, going on dates with each other (just the two of you) serves your relationship like oil to a squeaky wheel. Without that quality time, you lose touch with each other, you end up not having things in common and worst of all you stop making memories.
So, go out do SOMETHING, ANYTHING that’s just for you. Even if you just have to start with a walk to the shop to get a coffee together (be sure to hold hands too) Just take care and nurture one another. Which leads me perfectly to my next tidbit…
(8) Do have lots of sex!
Now, this is what keeps a successful relationship going. Not just parent sex but real intimate long hours (or half hours) of lovemaking sessions. I don’t need to tell you how to do this, but I will give you some ideas on how to get this going. Read steps 1 through 7. Follow these rules and sex will just naturally occur, all of the above is foreplay to your soul and each other.
When all of these important issues are no longer issues – closeness is what you want. Find time just find it. Wake up earlier, go to bed earlier or just grab him as soon as you get. Home from work lock the door and make out! If you have little kids or aware teens in the house make sure date nights include sex, book a room or have the kids babysat at someone’s house so you have the place to yourselves. That way you can really let go and have a wild time. Nothing says I love you more than a wild night in.
(9) Don’t Forget my list from point 1
So did you make that list? Did you write down ten things that you want in your partner? If you haven’t done so, do it now… Done? Great ok, now this list isn’t a list for you to wish upon a star and hope they magically change or your dream woman appears.
The list is for you.
Yep – you!
How many things on that list can you tick off as an attribute you have? Can you tick off 5? What about 3? Can you tick off any? The biggest lesson I learned from relationship experts was if I want a 10/10 relationship, I had to be a 10/10 person. Which meant I needed to be able to 100% tick off every attribute on my list.
Kinda makes you want to go and adjust that list now doesn’t it? Think about what a successful relationship means to you. Think about the person you are to your partner; would you marry you? The best tip out of them all is, become the best version of yourself and you’ll find that the people around you will rise up to your level and become the best version of themselves too. I’ll let you think about that one for a while.
At the end of the day my lovelies, to be in love is to love yourself enough so you can love another. If you don’t then you can’t possibly know how to love anyone else, so start with you always. Become the person you want to be and watch how the world changes around you. Don’t wait for the world to change before you do, it just doesn’t work that way; especially in relationships. All relationships need a hero sometimes and so what if it’s you. At least you’ll always get the result you wanted.
If you dare to try any of my tips, I would really enjoy reading about your experiences. So please leave a comment below!
Until next time